In yesterday's post I said, "I think it's totally normal to suck at meditation, and if you think that you suck at it, you're probably doing it right."

Allow me to clarify.

If you have ever "tried to meditate" you might have had (or still are having) the same experience as me. I sit. Immediately there is a barrage of thoughts. I mean, I live with my own head all day, and here I am, trapped with only myself and my thoughts. It's bad enough sometimes to live with yourself just in a normal situation, but then to subject yourself to an onslaught starring every thought, inclination, regret, and wondering you've had all day or ever. On a good day, it can be tiring, and on a bad day it can be downright painful. Please tell me this has happened to you.

Turns out, all those super annoying thoughts that crop up are just fits of tension releasing. You can't get down to the root of yourself, or your spiritual connection (or whatever it is to you personally) without disposing of all the mind junk. I am reminded of when I was working through the book The Artist's Way, where there is a practice of writing three pages every morning of whatever comes to mind. Just like that, I'm in a place where I think of meditation as kind of a cosmic brain dump.

Actually, maybe it's more of like a cosmic recycling program. All these weird random thoughts that crop up, "Did I say the right thing?... What am I supposed to do next?... My ear itches... I wonder whatever happened to that person I knew once... Man I feel stupid... " and on and on... those aren't thoughts I need anymore. They're not part of me. They don't define me, and in fact I need to just toss them to get down to my most me-ness. And as I shrug them off and surrender them in meditation, God (or your inner self, or higher power, or whatever works for you) can refashion them and hand them back to me if there is any truth lurking within, or simply take away the clutter so I have more clarity.

I'd like to think that even if I don't have a life altering spiritual epiphany during my seated meditation, I am still "cleaning the glass" so that when I am looking out at a situation, I can, as Erich says, "have the bravery to do what your inner wisdom is suggesting."

Wow, I'm flying high after a weekend with Erich Schiffmann at Yogaville. This was a big deal for me because I have wanted to study with Erich ever since I was introduced to his book during my teacher training in 2008, and also because in nearly ten years of practicing yoga, I've never taken a retreat or stayed at an ashram.

The workshop was “Essentials of Freedom Style Yoga.” However, Freedom Style is a non-style in that there is no technique except for the using meditation as a channel to express your practice. In Erich's Freeform classes, there is meditation, some preparation through some asanas that he leads, and then he cuts you loose to do your own thing, then more meditation.

In a way, this is how I have practiced yoga from the beginning. Actually, I can't see why you wouldn't practice yoga this way. I did yoga from DVDs and books and making stuff up on my own, and only dabbled in classes until I got really serious about working toward teacher training. It was only then that I got all these new rules about how to do yoga and how to teach it. I was struck by one of my friends who had brought her book for Erich to sign, had NO written in big letters on the page for fish pose because our teachers had said we should never teach that one. Really? Never? Another attendee said that a superstar yogi had said “there is no reason to ever do pigeon.” Really? Never? Those kind of decrees really frustrated me in teacher training, and continue to frustrate me now. I also get cranky when people ask me what kind of yoga I teach because I don't identify with any particular school of yoga. I pick and choose things that resonate with me. It was so encouraging to hear from Erich that this is a perfectly valid approach to practicing and teaching. I feel like I also got some insight into how I can continue to cultivate my practice by following my own inclinations. I'm on the right track.

At the same time, it was a very challenging workshop because at the core of Erich's teachings is meditation, and frankly, I suck at seated meditation. There, I said it. This warrants a post of it's own, so for now I will say that I think it's totally normal to suck at meditation, and if you think that you suck at it, you're probably doing it right. So yeah. I need to work on that with more discipline since I intend to continue doing yoga the way I am doing it.

In addition to the amazing lectures by Erich, his asana sequences are just … magical. I hope that after thirty more years of yoga I can offer sequences like that. He also a world-class hugger made extra fun because he is so very large. This weekend was so very good for me. I'll follow up with at least one more post about meditation and about my experience of staying at the ashram. Good times. While I can't wait to study with Erich again, I'm also feeling refreshed and ready to grow my practice in other ways, too.

If you want to hear Erich's teachings for yourself, he has a bunch of talks available on his website!

I recently stumbled upon a wonderful post by Tribal Fusion bellydancer, Rachel Brice.

There are very few rules in Tribal Fusion, but in my humble opinion the one constant is that the dancer or group is versed in American Tribal Style as taught by Carolena Nericcio. Her stylistic approach to existing vocabulary, her theatrical approach to costuming, and the incredible invention of group improvisation, has allowed infinite variations that all have one thing in common: powerful presentation.

I'm so glad that she made this statement. There are so many dancers labeling themselves as "Tribal Fusion" who have no trace of tribal in their dance. Maybe some of them have never even studied ATS. I know that there are fiercely dedicated students and performers of ATS that will preserve the integrity of the dance, but I am often disappointed when I see performances deviate so far from the format, and even more saddened when I see "professional" performers lacking in tribal technique. I know this might make me sound like a "tribal curmudgeon" especially when I leave a performance unenthused, but it's just that when I see an artist or show billed as Tribal or Tribal Fusion, I expect to see at least some reference to an understanding of ATS.

Amy & I performing at Expression in Motion as part of Artdromeda in Baltimore:

Such a fun show! I love sharing the stage with tiny tap dancers, a crazy pop and locker, and capoeira!

I recently took a three-week workshop series on partner acrobatics. It probably goes without saying that this was incredibly fun for me! Something that really surprised me about this workshop series is that I thought I learned something different than what my teacher saw in me. From my perspective, I learned about just how severe my imbalances are! I have so much organic energy and so little muscular! I am all about expanding out and need to work extremely hard to hug my muscles back in. This means a lot more core-building work in my home practice.

I also learned a lot about my own body and how I move. I've been practicing yoga for nearly ten years now and most of the time, I feel pretty confident about how to move and where my body is in space. Well that all changed when I was suspended in the air. I had no idea where my legs were and how to get them to go where they were supposed to. More than once I had to practice what I had to do on the ground before doing it lifted in the air. This made me instantly more sympathetic to my own students! I had forgotten what it was like to teach my body to do something so completely out of the ordinary. I realize how much I ask of my students. I am very proud of them for their great achievements and I'm also now reminded to be patient as it takes time for them to figure things out and for all these new movements to work their way into muscle memory. What surprised me the most in the workshop was that my teacher could see over only three weeks the improvements I made in understanding my body in space, and as I worked out this understanding, I became more confident in the various stunts that we learned. As a student, it's so wonderful to have progress acknowledged!

This is one of the many benefits of studying with others, even in a different discipline, that we can learn even more than we think we learn because we have our teachers' insight to shine back at us!

When I tell people that I'm a yoga instructor, sometimes the response I get is, "Oh, wow! Yoga! I could never do that! I'm so inflexible."

Usually my response is, "That's OK! Yoga is where we learn to be flexible ... among other things." And then sometimes I go on some rambling monologue about the myriad of benefits of yoga.

Anyway, I'm here to tell you that being naturally flexible is not all it's cracked up to be! Sometimes I wish I were strong and stiff instead of flexible.

For those of us blessed with natural flexibility in the joints, it can be easy to replicate the look of a posture without doing any work. For example, take Dandasana/Staff Pose. If you just look at the shape, you might find it fairly easy to sit with your legs in front of you, in the shape of an L. But this posture can become a lot of work! Engage your feet, pulling the arches toward you, pull your kneecaps toward you, tone your belly and keep lifting your chest with your own strength. Oh yeah, and keep breathing! This is where the yoga is happening, finding all the nuances of the posture. Also, keeping your muscles working is essential to protecting your joints.

I would go so far as to say that yoga is even more beneficial for flexible people! My hypermobility has caused me injuries ever since I was young. When I was in high school, I suffered for a long time with a knee injury, and was constantly twisting my ankles if I stumbled even a little bit. Western approaches like orthotic inserts for my shoes and physical therapy did solve some of my problems. However, I have recently noticed that in spite of being a yoga teacher, I don't always move mindfully when I'm off the mat! I have thrown out my SI joint probably by getting out of bed some sloppy way, and I know that I often sit into a chair in a way that is not so awesome for my knees. I can't always count on my joints to maintain this natural (or unnatural!) flexibility. Muscles must be worked long and strong both to allow joints to work the way they're supposed to, at the maximum range of motion and with the maximum amount of support. This is how we train our bodies to serve us safely for many years. Some us (waves hand) have to work harder on the strong, and some of us have to work harder at the long.

One of the exciting benefits of my teacher training program was getting to know a diverse group of yogis who all had different approaches to their practice. I am alway curious about what excites people about yoga, and how they practice. Do you go to classes? Do you practice at home with DVDs or books or just by your own creativity? Do you have a routine that you stick to or is it freeform?

My practice has definitely ebbed, flowed, shifted, and advanced over time. During my teacher training program, I maintained a morning sun salutations practice. After a while that practice dropped off, and instead I usually did my yoga in the late morning or early afternoon, depending on my schedule and my inclinations. I've been stuck in a rut so I decided to pick it back up again. I forgot how much I loved this practice! I get up, have a big glass of water, set an intention, and then hit the mat for 12 rounds of sun salutations. It takes about 20 to 30 minutes, and I am refreshed and set up with a better attitude for the whole day. It's invigorating but gives me room to continue if I am feeling energized, and I'm more inclined to revisit my asana practice later in the day if I have time because I know how good it feels.

In the end, that's really all I want out of yoga... I want to feel good inside and out. How about you? If you're stuck in a rut or don't know where to start, share your hangups, too!

At the end of this month, I'll be teaching a DIY Yoga workshop all about building a personal yoga practice. I've attached a flyer you can download if you are local! If you are not currently a member of Life Time Fitness, contact me and I can get you a guest pass for the day.

Kallisti Tribal Presents:

The Electric Maid ATS Mixer
March 14th 3pm - 6pm
268 Carrol Street N.W.
Washington, DC 20012
(in Takoma Park)
suggested donation: $8

The Mixer is a low-key event for dancers to flex their improv muscles outside of
class or performance, in an intimate, sharing community arts venue. No pressure,
no recital, no judgement, no costumes. Dancers should come prepared to freely
improv with others based on their comfort level in American Tribal Style (ATS)
as established by Fat Chance Bellydance (FCBD).

Note about the dance space - bring dance shoes, the floor is a little rough.

More details at www.kallistitribal.com

RSVP at the facebook event:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=463737400606&ref=mf

Friday night, I went to another AcroYoga workshop with Jean-Jacques at the Baltimore Yoga Village. I am officially hooked on this practice. At my first AcroYoga workshop, I was made aware of some weaknesses in my practice that I have revisited over the last few months, and I felt much more comfortable in the workshop this time.

It was made even more magical by getting to fly with my troupemate, Nora! We dance together every week, and it was really exciting and fun to fly together! I completely trusted her to hold me up in the air, and it felt so nice to be able to give back that yummy flying feeling when I flew her next.

I can't wait to see where this practice will take me!

With two weeks of crazy dance time behind me, we're now back to regularly scheduled yoga blogging. Now I direct your attention to Yoga Dork where you will find a fantastic interview with Sadie Nardini.

Straight up I'll tell you I have always been a fan of Sadie Nardini. I love her You Tube Videos, and her unique, no-nonsense voice over at the Huffington Post.

Recently she signed on at YAMA, which is essentially a talent agency that handles yoga teachers. I definitely noticed a shift in Sadie's already impressive web presence, and it's kind of exciting to see that her yoga is taking her to a whole new level. A lot of fundamentalist yogis are all a-tizzy about the creation of such a thing being an un-yogic, money-grubbing venture. I say, why not?! I'll let you read Sadie's far more eloquent take on the matter, but I'll add that I spent the first year post Yoga Teacher Training floundering around trying to get classes started. I would still say that I am not 100% successful in managing my own teaching business. It is really difficult building classes and getting a following, and teaching classes is a total time suck. Sure I am making a really decent hourly rate, but that does not include my time marketing, creating lesson plans, talking to students, and the twenty minutes I spend rolling up mats and cleaning up after every class. Would I like someone to help me to manage my life? YES. Totally. In fact, I hope to have the problem when I am too busy to handle all of the teaching and performance gigs I would like to do, so that I can hand over the logistics to a professional, and I can dedicate my time to developing my skills as a teacher and serving my students. Isn't that what we all want? To live our passion, and for it to be sustainable?